A while ago, I dropped my laptop, destroying the hard drive and rendering it unusable. Working from home over the past few months has turned me into something of a Zoom expert—even to the extent of adjusting the camera to make my skin appear smoother!

So, it was rather frustrating when my laptop broke, affecting the camera. I managed to replace the hard drive, but switching on my video during presentations was no longer an option. As a result, I asked my son if I could borrow his new laptop (which I had bought for him) for a call.

He hesitated for a few seconds before eventually saying no, watching to see how I would react. As his father, I considered asserting my authority and using his laptop anyway, but that didn’t feel right. Instead, I reluctantly accepted his decision. Seeing my reaction, he exclaimed, “Saying no felt good!”

That phrase stuck with me—saying no felt good. I understood what he meant, and I was genuinely pleased that I hadn’t insisted on using his laptop. I think we all need to say no more often—to unwanted thoughts, people, situations, and emotions.

My son’s sense of empowerment from saying no will serve him well in the future. Saying no can be difficult, particularly if you have a tendency to people-please. It feels so final and can sometimes mark the end of something we’re not quite ready to let go of.

As a coach, I use a technique called the No for Now tool. This involves acknowledging that something isn’t right for you at the moment. It may be in the future, but you will return to it when the time feels right. One of my clients was so thrilled to use this tool that she was positively bouncing in one of our follow-up sessions. She had been struggling to say no to a particular person, and using this tool gave her the confidence to take control of the situation. When facing something similar, you can use these words:

“This is a no for now, but we can revisit it when it feels right or if the circumstances change.”

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been reflecting on one of my friendships. I hadn’t liked some of our recent interactions and felt that much of our friendship was on his terms. Earlier this year, I sent him a message to check in on him and his family, and he replied months later—this had become a pattern. When I first saw the notification, my instinct was to read it immediately and respond, as I don’t like leaving things unresolved. However, this was one of those situations where I needed to say no.

I resisted the urge to reply straight away and gave myself time to consider my response. It was a no for now—I would respond only when I felt ready.

A little bit of empowerment goes a long way.

Here’s what saying no more often can do for you:

• It gives you the mental space to focus on what truly matters.
• It allows you to let go of the good and focus on the great.
• It earns you respect by setting clear boundaries.
• It shows people that you are not easily taken advantage of.
• It gives you more time (and we could all use more of that!).

The short-term guilt you may feel from saying no is nothing compared to the obligation you’ll feel when you’ve said yes to something you didn’t really want to do. Some of the biggest problems I’ve encountered stemmed from saying yes too hastily, without considering the consequences.

“Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.”
—Josh Billings

As I get older, I’m starting to understand myself better—what motivates me and how I’m wired. I’ve become acutely aware that I am more likely to say yes to people I want to impress, regardless of the impact on my own well-being. Recognising this helps me put safeguards in place so that I am prepared.

Another thing I’ve realised is the significant impact that saying no has on our mental health. The past year has been chaotic for everyone, with things seemingly changing every few days. Saying no reminds us that, ultimately, we have a say in how our lives unfold.

It is a desire not to be swept up by external events—we have the power to choose what we say, watch, and do with our time and energy. By saying no to the many unhelpful distractions, we create space to say yes to what is truly important.